Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
i came on her dog
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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