Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Randomize
