So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
