Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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