ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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