I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
