He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
