I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I will be naked everywhere
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
