If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Randomize
