this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
