I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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