dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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