All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I am naked and annoyed.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
