Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
