Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
