how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
