Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(360): View more from Washington

I don't think brook has ever known best

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(317): View more from Indiana

honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.

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(805): View more from California

they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate

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(507): View more from Minnesota

I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.

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(231): View more from Michigan

Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.

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(708): View more from Illinois

Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.

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(901): View more from Tennessee

You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!

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(205): View more from Alabama

I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.

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(217): View more from Illinois

I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.

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