i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
