guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
