well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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