I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Randomize
