He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
