Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
