Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
