hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
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