Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
