he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Randomize
