Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
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