why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
