Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
