she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Randomize
