Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Randomize
