I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
