Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
you will always have a special place in my vag
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
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