eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
