So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
