Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
