did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
