therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
