Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
