It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
