A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
