I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
