capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Randomize
