So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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