I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
