just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
So much Jack, so little girl.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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