I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Randomize
