I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
