The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Who died my cat blue again?
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
