census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
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