I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Randomize
